HOW BEST TO SPEND YOUR TIME WHILE YOU ARE WAITING TO DIE

Philip G. Ney, MD

February 2002

Introduction

So you are 85, cloistered in an unhappy holding tank they call “a retirement home” watching your old friends kick the bucket and wondering when it is your turn. Or, you are 42 wondering why the good Lord would send you this terrible cancer for which the doctor gives you very poor odds. You are mad, sad and bored to tears. So what is the best way to use your time knowing that it can’t be too long before you depart this miserable sphere of persistent pain and puzzlements for a better place?

It’s not easy to die, but it is probably the 3^rd most important event in your life. (First, being given life. Second, being reborn). Not everybody gets a chance to die slowly. There are some benefits. It will give you time to pack up and prepare for your journey. To help keep your tasks straight while your brain is becoming less capable of juggling thoughts, here is a little mnemonic. Red and Green Roses To Give Him/Her in June.

1. Remember

This is the time to remember the events of your life. Use pictures, conversations with old friends, check dates, times and places to get the facts straight. Share these good, bad and even dull memories with the younger generation. You will be surprised how keen they are to see history through your eyes. Besides, more than you realize, they do want to get to know you. Use those memories to analyze why you life unfolded as it did. See what you can learn from your own and your family’s history. The most useful information is in the most painful past. The most painful memories are the ones most deeply buried in the archives of your city and country or the recesses of your brain. Don’t forget, God created your mind to understand, and the inherent curiosity to puzzle things out. Now you’ve got the time and hopefully the wisdom to really learn from your history. Hopefully others can benefit from your insights and not repeat tragic history. To share your joys will bring hope to the younger generation and praise to your Lord.

2.   Grow

While your body and mind are falling apart, your spirit can always keep growing and developing. Your spirit, after all, is what you take to heaven with you. You will get a brand new indestructible body and brain. Now you need to clarify your blueprint. Who were you designed to be? Look at your repeated tragedies to understand key conflicts and how you contributed in those painful reenactments. To help you do this, write down a brief chronology of your life. Look for patterns. Name the contributors to those tragedies. Don’t forget that each tragedy is made from a group of perpetrators, observers and victims. There were no innocent bystanders. Let yourself be found by joy in the small events and details of your remaining earthly live.

3. Reconcile

To reconcile you must confront those who hurt, frightened and confused you and request apologies. Forgive in the same way Christ forgave you. When they repent, you must forgive them (Luke 17:3). You must tell them they are forgiven so they can thank you and so you can be forgiven. You must encourage those you have hurt directly and indirectly, (i.e. by not coming to their aid) to confront you, so you can apologize and be forgiven. This is best done by letter. You may need to ask someone to take dictation. Write us for more details and a copy of a form letter of reconciliation. Don’t hand on a legacy of pseudosecrets. They are burdensome, binding and destructive to your family. Call together your family and friends and urge them to do the same. You need to complete your reconciliation with God. Confess, any sins of commission or omission not yet dealt with. Repent, then thank and praise Jesus Christ openly for all He has done for you. Write letters of reconciliation to God as a perpetrator (Why would He put you in such a terrible family?), to God as an observer (Why didn’t He come to your aid when you so desperately appealed for His help?) and to God as a victim (How you ignored Him so much of the time and how you were the cause of His son dying).

4. Teach

Pass on the results of the painful and joyful lessons you have learned. There are messages to leave to the world at large and to your friends and family in particular. Your biography might be valuable, not only for your family, but for some publishing house. Have some interviews of you home videoed. Don’t glorify yourself nor mortify yourself. Just be straight. What happened, who contributed to it and why, as best as you can figure it out. Your last will and testament should not only be instructions what to do with your money and property, but why you are giving what to whom; what you hope they will use it for and what they will learn by it. Leave a list of patterns that your family has tended to reenact and the tragic conflicts they are liable to keep repeating if they don’t learn.

5. Grieve

It is now a time to say good-bye; first to the person you should have become. You have contributed to the fact that you did not become the person God designed you to be. There were plenty of other contributors. Hopefully you can reconcile with each one of them, particularly those who neglected to give you the building material for your blueprint. Your contribution was all those missed opportunities and foolish decisions. It is time to say good-bye to your family, verbally, non-verbally and in letters. Now is the time to say good-bye to your body. It was a good machine that kept you going through thick and thin even when you badly abused it. Don’t forget that like an old car, it is worn out but you will soon be getting a brand new racing machine designed exactly for your driving capabilities.

6. Hello

You need to prepare a report for God on your life’s work. Make it honest and concise as possible. He wants to know what you have done with your time talents and opportunities. You should also write a song or construct a dance to take with you for heaven. God loves music and dance. He is always anticipating something original. You should start practicing it, if not with your body, at least in your mind’s eye. God loves us all to make a new song, our own peculiar song.

7. Jump

It is soon time to commit your spirit to God just as Jesus did. (Luke 23:46) Once you have finally and fully committed your spirit to God, He will decide when to accept it. When your spirit leaves your body, you are dead, even if parts of your body keep on functioning. Now is the time to look into eternity to see if you can catch small glimpses of what it is like. Share these with others. This is the time to practice jumping. No, I don’t mean holding your breath, but anticipating that very last moment on earth with a mixture of dread and eager anticipation, just like a baby who is about to be born.

For those of you who are being left behind, it is time to talk about dying in a factual manner. You can help your loved one by instructing and encouraging them in this process. It will stand you in good stead when it comes to your turn.