Preventing
Child Abuse
Philip G. Ney, MD, MA, FRCP(C)
Paper Presented at the World Congress on the
Family, Geneva, Switzerland, November 16, 1999 - 3:30 p.m.
In spite of much rhetoric, time and money spent trying to prevent
child abuse and neglect (CAN), the best evidence shows it is a
growing problem. The exact size is uncertain because incidence
depends upon definition. The only meaningful way to determine
the amount of damage is to compare the child's present state to
what they were designed to be. Therefore, neglect is defined
as not obtaining sufficient nutrition, stimulations, time, information
and experience etc. of the right order, quality and duration for
that child's unique development, i.e. not getting the materials
for the blue print God gave him. Abuse is partly destroying
that wonderful castle he or she is co-creating with God.
Using a fairly standardized assessment, over a period of time
there is evidence that all forms of abuse and neglect are increasing.
There are inflated statistics about the size of sexual abuse,
partly because that pseudo evidence is used for political purposes.
Our Research
Child abuse and neglect is trans-generational; the probability
depending upon the type and extent. Comparing physical,
sexual and verbal abuse, verbal abuse is most likely to be transmitted
from one generation to another.1 Considering all three forms
of abuse, the form that is most damaging to a child's self perception
is verbal abuse.2 Comparing all type of abuse and neglect,
neglect is more damaging than abuse.3 Neglect makes
a child both more vulnerable and susceptible to abuse. One severe
form of neglect is not being breast fed. Human milk is almost
the only source of the essential fatty acids that are necessary
for the formation of the white matter of a child's brain
and the myelin of his/her peripheral nerves. If children
are not breast fed they are not as intelligent or as quick as
they were designed to be. A previous abortion interferes
with breast feeding. In one country the percentage of women
breast feeding their 1st three pregnancies was 450% higher before
the introduction of the one child policy.
(Table 1)
Children try very hard to construct the person their Designer
intended them to be. In many families their struggle against
overwhelming odds is very persistent. When a child is not
given sufficient, good developmental materials he will scrounge,
often in the wrong places When he is not given enough of
what he needs, he has to answer the question, "Is it because
I am unlovable or because my parents aren't capable?"
Normally the child decides that he isn't lovable. Once a
child feels that he isn't worthy of good things, he tends to fulfill
his worst expectations. This is why neglected, starving
children go to the garbage dump rather than the homes of rich
people. They consider themselves garbage and therefore garbage
is what they feel they deserve.
In all the cases we studied, 95% of children are damaged by a
combination of one or more forms of abuse and neglect.4 (Ref.
Table 2) For this reason, whenever you read an article proporting
to describe the effects of one type of abuse or neglect, throw
it away. It's of no value.
The worst form of abuse and neglect is for the child to be killed,
particularly the unborn child who is nestled quietly in the security
of their mother's uterus. The next most severe form of abuse
and neglect to a child is to be an abortion survivor.5 Children
who grow up in countries where a large percentage of children
die by abortion are survivors. Abortion survivors are also
those whose parents have aborted a sibling, those whose parents
considered killing them, and those who belong to minority groups
who would usually be aborted. They feel guilty about existing,
cannot trust parental figures, have a perpetual sense of impending
doom, do not take advantage of their opportunities, struggle with
a deep rage because they were not welcomed even though they were
wanted. They do not want children themselves.6,7
What Doesn't Work
1.Wanted Children
For Years it was argued that if abortion was freely available,
there would be no unwanted children. It was assumed that
unwanted children were the ones most likely to be abused and neglected.
Our evidence shows quite the contrary.8 It is the wanted
children, those that frequently disappoint their parents because
of high expectations, that are more likely to be abused.
Wanted children try to live up to other people's expectations.
They try to be the person their parents want them to be.
It is hard for them to be themselves. Our study shows that, as
the rates of abortion increased in a country, so did the rates
of child abuse.9 Our evidence shows that mothers who have
had a previous pregnancy loss, particularly abortion, are less
likely to bond to their children. Parents not bonded to their
children are more likely to abuse and neglect them.10
2.Punishment
When somebody who has sexually molested a child is placed in
prison, they lose their job, reputation, family, freedom and dignity.
They come out of prison hard and angry. They are a greater
threat to those who insisted they were imprisoned. Punishment
doesn't work, but reconciliation does.
3.Scewed Politics
Some people are using the growing concerns regardingchild abuse
as an opportunity to make increasingly large numbers of people
see themselves as victims who "have a right" to feel
sorry for themselves. Beware when people make you feel sorry
for yourself. They are likely to use you in their political campaign
to get power for themselves at your expense. It is unfortunate
that there is relatively little research on the effect of child
neglect. While socialist countries were enacting laws to
encourage women to stay at home, western countries were using
legislating, eg. Affirmative Action, to encourage women to be
in the work place. Our forebearers were not stupid.
They realized that men make very poor mothers and that mothers
and children must have a time of quiet security to begin the essential
process of developing. Men were given a sop, titles and
better pay to make sure they provided for the mother and child.
Essentials to Prevent Child Abuse
1.Mature Parents - Mature parents come from well nurtured, guided
and challenged children who have done their best to tackle some
of the world's problems and who found a mate who was similarly
inclined.
2.Well Bonded and Committed Mates - Young people should be encouraged
and guided in their mate selection. They should make a public
commitment, eg. betrothal, then fall in love, then be married
by God, eg. consummated, and then that marriage should be celebrated.
3.Crisis Pregnancy - People are unlikely to change except in
crisis. To be able to know and welcome a baby, the mother
and father must change. Therefore every pregnancy should be a
crisis that promotes a whole series of developmental challenges.
4.The Child Should Not Be Wanted But Welcomed - Jesus said, "Welcome
child in my name, because when you welcome a child in my name
you welcome me, and when you welcome me, you welcome the Father."
When you welcome the Father, you welcome the resources of the
universe. With our limitless God, there are abundant resources
for every child. There is no evidence of overpopulation.
The best evidence shows there is a population crisis created by
an exponential decline.
Mature Parents
1) Mature parents have discovered who they were designed to be
and are making every effort to pursue their unique maturity.
Mature parents recognize their blueprint, having responded to
inner strivings and the prompting of God's Spirit.
2) They have been welcomed by their family, church and society.
They know their life is on loan.
3) They have discovered each of their children's unique blueprint,
helped them meet their needs and protected them from abuse.
4) They provide a model for their children of worship, showing
the uniqueness, vitality and utility of their faith in God.
5) They model a ministry, tackling problems bigger than themselves,
that make them mature.
6) Good parents avoid confusing a child's blueprint with
their own. They allow the child to show them what he/she
needs. They don't clutter his/her mind with formal education,
but provide them an opportunity to pursue their curiosity and
communicate his/her insights.
To Stop Tragic History of Abuse, Neglect or Abortion
from Repeating Itself
Damaged parents:
1) have gained insight from their past and understand how they
contribute to the re-enactment of tragic triangles because of
their unresolved key conflicts.
2) have discarded false faces, dancer and urchin.11 They have
defined and asserted their authentic self, their pilgrim.
3) have grieved the loss of the person they should have become.
(PISHB)
4) are able to bond to their children because they have completely
grieved previous losses. Abortion is the most difficult
grief because: a) mother and father don't see or hold the dead
baby, b) parents have dehumanized the baby, c) they have contributed
to the death of the person they now grieve, d) they were not encouraged
to talk about their loss with friends and family, e) they are
mislead by professionals into thinking the root of their problem
is something else eg. depression.
5) are able to model a ministry tackling problems bigger than
themselves that make them mature.
6) when having contributed to an abortion are able to talk with
their surviving children.12 This will include; a)
helping them identify and describe the child, b) acknowledging
their contribution to the death of a pre-born child, c) recognizing
the harm they have done to their surviving children, d) sincerely
apologizing, e) promising never to do it again, f) showing that
they are changing, g) demonstrating God's forgiveness h) doing
their best to compensate their injured children. When the
parents have done this, the parent child relationship changes
from distrust to trust, from pseudo-secrets to honesty, from resentment
to forgiveness, from alienation to bonding. Children then
know that, if parents can talk about their abortion, they can
talk about anything, if the parents can be forgiven for killing
a child, God will forgive them for anything.
Summary
The first command in the Bible is to be fruitful and multiply.
God did not rescind that command. There has never been a
time in all of history when parents could spend more time and
energy with their children, yet so many factors and forces are
encouraging them to be self indulgent. But you cannot benefit
at the expense of your neighbour. If it is not good for
your neighbour, it is not good for you. If it is not good
for children, it cannot be good for adults.13 Christ's law
of love always applies. Like gravity, it is a law you cannot
break. When you love your children, you are loving yourself.
Love is meeting someone's needs. Needs are definable. Obeying
Christ's command to love is good for you and your smallest neighbour.
Abortion is the largest contributor to the death and mistreatment
of subsequent children. Love will prevent Child Abuse and
neglect.
References
1 NEY PG."Transgenerational Child Abuse", Child Psychiatry
Hum Dev 18:151-168, 1988.
2 NEY PG. "Does Verbal Abuse Leave Deeper Scars: A Study
of Children & Parents", Can J Psychiatry 32:371-378,
1987
3 NEY PG. FUNG T WICKETT AR. "Child Neglect: The Precursor
to Child Abuse", Pre-and Perinatal Psychology J. 8(2):
95 - 112, 1993
4 NEY PG. FUNG T. WICKETT AR."The Worst Combinations of
Child Abuse and Neglect", Child Abuse and Neglect, 18(9),
705-714, 1994
5 NEY PG. "A Consideration of Abortion Survivors",
Child Psychiatry Hum Dev 13:168-179, 1983.
6 NEY PG. "Abortion and Family Psychology: A study
in Progress", Canadian Journal of Diagnosis, 16(1): 113-119,
1999
7 NEY PG. PEETERS-NEY MA. "Abortion Survivors"
(2nd Edition), Pioneer Publishing: Victoria, 1998
8 NEY PG. FUNG T Wickett AR. "A Relationship Between
Induced Abortion and Child Abuse and Neglect: Four Studies:, Pre
and perinatal Psychology J. 8:43-63, 1993
9 NEY PG. "A Relationship Between Abortion and Child
Abuse", Can J Psychiatry.24:610-620, 1979
10 NEY PG. Deeply Damaged (3rd ed), Victoria: Pioneer
Publishing, 1997
11 NEY PG. PETERS A. Ending the Cycle of Abuse, New York:
Brunner/Mazel, 1995
12 NEY PG. PEETERS MA. How to Talk With Your Children
About Your Abortion, Victoria: Pioneer Publishing, 1995.
13 NEY PG. FUNG T. WICKETT AR. BEAMAN-DODD C. "The
Effects of Pregnancy Loss on Women's Health", Soc Sci Med,
38(9): 1193-1200, 1994
