Her Agony, Her Dead Child

Philip G. Ney, MD

July 11, 2001

In my mind’s eyes I watched the pretty girl across the street. She was intelligent and well formed. Young men often came to her door. I watched as one young man entered, then left and I saw her sorrow. There were a number of them and each time it looked like a party, but it ended with her standing at the door, forlornly gazing down the street after the young man. Finally a young man was allowed to enter and he stayed. There was a child, a bright, dark curly haired boy who rejoiced in the sound of his mother’s and father’s voice. Then there was an ugly interchange that I could easily hear across the street. It must have been deafening for the child. The man slammed the door and departed, not to be seen again. She sat on the steps and wept.

Shortly thereafter, a tall, gaunt stranger in formal attire, with a stethoscope around his neck, knocked on her door. With fear in her face, she looked out. “Who’s there?”
“I’m the one you invited. Now open up and let me in.”
She screamed. “Go away!”
“No,” he said. “You asked for me. I have come to do the job. You’ve given me your consent. Now pay me and I will finish it.”
She protested feebly then ran down, undid one of the locks and then ran up the stairs where she could be heard sobbing. I anxiously stood outside and wondered why no one came to her rescue. The neighbours stood outside their houses and wagged their heads in mock wisdom or hung their heads in shame. Some drove by and laughed.
I shouted, “Somebody do something! Don’t let the child die.” But no one could or wanted to hear me. Eventually they all turned their backs and walked away.
I heard a couple as they walked by and the woman said, “Well I guess it was her choice. We can’t interfere.”
He replied, “Of course, she asked for it and it is allowed by the state.”

Eventually a police car drove up and I sighed with relief. Finally, at least the government is going to protect the child. But a burly officer got out and rushed forward to arrest a young woman who was going to the child’s aid. I thought, “This is all wrong.”

The somber man forced the girl’s door open and could be heard shouting, “Where’s that damn kid?” Next there was such a tumult of noise – the child screaming in terror, trying to hid as best he could, the man cursing, then the infant’s blood curdling scream and the mother’s constant sobbing.

I knew the mother must have heard the child’s scream even through her sobbing. Shortly afterward, the door banged and the stranger, with the body of the child in a sack, walked down the street counting money. In the upstairs window, I could see the woman walking back and forth. She had on a blindfold and was covering her ears. Sometimes, hysterically laughing, “Oh boy, that’s a relief.” And at other times screaming, “I can’t stand his pain, for his pain is now my pain forever. And his terror will never leave my mind.”

The unborn baby’s terror and anguish is felt by the mother for two reasons: 1) Empathy. Our minds have the ability to see and sense the pain of those to whom we are bonded. For example, the mother would never forget the look on her child’s face or the pitch of the child’s scream when she was hit by the car the mother was driving. She had killed her own child. Could she ever forget the sight and sound of her dying child? Empathy is part of our humanity. It helps preserve our species from death by filicide, patricide, matricide and infanticide. Because of it, only the craziest could kill their own child. And yet, this is what is happening on such a wide scale. 2) Pain and stress related hormones can cross the placental barrier. As a result, the mother may feel both the pain and the stress of terror of the unborn child being torn apart. Women have often reported the intense pain of the abortion. The pain seems to be in excess of what one would anticipate, understanding the nature of the procedure. Women also do no seem to forget that pain. Extreme stress seems to create an indelible memory. The baby’s agony is imprinted in the mother’s brain. The pain of childbirth is partly a shared pain. The mother picks up, through the placenta, the pain experienced by the child. However, she forgets that pain because of the “joy at the child’s birth.” If there is no birth, there is no joy, just pain.

The mothers and fathers dehumanize the unborn baby in order to kill it and thereby dehumanize themselves, a) they didn’t acknowledge the full humanity of the child. b) they didn’t welcome the child as a person. c) they didn’t see the terror nor hear the anguish, although it was palpable. They are innately driven to protect the child, soothe the fear and quell the pain. Disregarding the child’s humanity and deafening themselves to his/her anguish, they decide to kill it. This always results in psychological conflict, at the time of the abortion and later. There is no other human conflict so deep. Killing one’s innocent infant is the most dehumanizing trauma known to human experience. No human can override their self and species preserving instinct and not feel at least a biologically basic guilt. The parent’s minds cannot forget that little person or ignore what the child experiences. Both are indelibly imprinted. Therefore, they must resolve the conflict or die by progressive dehumanization. What happens individually also happens collectively. We die as a species when we dehumanize the unborn.

To rehumanize, the parents must relive the experience – see and hear their child’s terror and pain. If they do, they regain their sensitivity. One woman, having regained her sensitivity, found the greater sensitivity very disquieting. She is now painfully aware when others are in pain, particularly her husband’s distress.